Sexless marriage – BBC inquiry conclusions and suggestions
Let’s see what the statistics and experts say about intimacy between couples nowadays and why sexless marriage is becoming more and more popular.
According to a BBC Inquiry, adults in the US, UK and Australia are being intimate in the bedroom once a week on average, which is a huge drop (~20%) compared to the previous two decades.
Washington Post has said that according to General Social Survey data “More than ever, Americans aren’t having sex”.
One thing that surprised me is that the biggest increase in the lack of sex is reported by young Americans (age 20-29), which has more than doubled between 2008 and 2018.
OK, they’re the statistics, but what’s the reason behind this and what can we do about it?
In this BBC Inquiry, they came to 4 different assumptions regarding the reason behind this huge drop:
- An increase in men obsessing within adult-rated movies;
- Smartphones with loads of notifications popping up are keeping us away from each other;
- The global recession, income level (low-level income – lack in self-confidence, but high-level income – lack of time and energy, so basically those with a middle-level income are in the best position);
- Social Changes (people nowadays have too many choices and marry later than previously).
Let’s take a look on a deeper level at all those four assumptions:
1. Is obsessing with adult-rated movies leading to less sex between married couples?
The BBC Inquiry analyzes obsessing with adult-rated movies. Statistics show that 45-50% of men are obsessed with porn, so how has it changed sexual behavior desires? The assumption is that because porn is easier compared to having sex with your partner, this could be the reason for less sex between married couples.
But at the same time, a study says that the ones who watch porn have a higher sex drive – so more sex.
BBC Inquiry have come to the conclusion that porn is not the reason we are having less sex nowadays.
In my opinion, if couples sometimes watch adult-rated movies together, that would even increase their sex drive. We have also included this activity in our new sex board game which we are planning to release very soon. Stay tuned 🙂
But in our Board game “Sex Memory game” we have included probably even better activity: filming. Check out our story behind why we decided to create such a game together with my husband.
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Are smartphones with loads of notifications keeping us away from each other and leading to sexless marriage?
Phones offer so many different entertainment options. A few decades ago, there were not too many interesting and entertaining things we could do in our free time.
BBC Inquiry tells us: “Imagine evenings together on the couch a few decades ago, couples sitting on a couch together, talking to each other, touching each other. And soon they turn into love making.”
Nowadays: couples are dating their phones – notifications, Netflix, TV shows, the phones are keeping us away – we are afraid to miss out on news, e-mails, notifications, stories of our friends and celebrities.
What can we do about it?
It’s quite easy – turn your phone off (at least the internet connection for a while, for quality time with your partner) and also switch off the TV.
Believe me, at the beginning it could be tough. Me and my husband decided to quit TV watching about two years ago now, and even though at the beginning we were missing it, at the moment, we definitely do not miss the TV. Instead, we are talking much more (when the kids are finally in their beds), we are doing some sports together, cooking together, reading some good books. Enjoying the little pleasures of life.
Is the income level impacting and leading to sexless marriage?
Due to the 2008 Global recession, many people lost their jobs – accordingly, income levels dropped significantly. Low income and people being insecure about their job is leading to having less sex. Meanwhile, experts say that high-level income people are also usually exhausted after their jobs, so no more energy for sex.
Controversially, in Japan in the 1990s, there was a big economic crisis, but in reality, the average number of adults having sex increased. Although the decline was much later – 2003.
The evidence for lower-income levels being the cause of a sexless marriage is not strong enough.
Are social changes the reason for a sexless marriage?
BBC Inquiry discusses that we are more turning to so-called “slow love” – we want to have everything and perfect relationships, but nowadays we have many more choices. We spend more time on education, building our careers (also for women), which is surely great for our self-confidence, in my opinion. Marriage is now on average at age 27. Middle-aged people are now with school-aged children because we are having children later.
This is also the case for me and my husband, our first kid was born when I was already 27, with the second one in my thirties. And in reality, we noticed a huge sex drop when the kids were born. In addition, after the second kid, I found it even harder to “get back on track”- but we managed (how? – That’s another story I would like to tell you about).
We have to remember that good sex with the right person improves the immune system, people tend to live more, so we have to work on it. Put the phones down, probably even switch off the internet connection for some hours when you are spending the quality time together with your partner, it will probably feel a bit weird at the beginning, but eventually, it’s good for relationships.
In my opinion, finding a solution to a problem starts with understanding that there is an issue and talking about it. So, we have prepared “Conversation starters for married couples” which will help with putting down the phones and the daily hustle and bustle of life, so you can discuss things as a couple, such as some short and long-term plans and also some spicy topics.
Let’s learn and grow together. And enjoy our time with beloved ones :*
#HintForToday ask each other a question of how do you think, if we say “I love you” often enough?” And when discussing this stand/sit as close as possible, so your skin is touched.
Virtual hug from OpenMity (hug)